[ for kamui, who has yet to experience any of the more primal nature of his identifiers, that caution does not quite land. it rolls around in his head as he tries to remember how it was when he was not entirely himself. he had wandered, and someone had fed him. someone else had tried to tempt him elsewhere and he had run. not necessarily in that order. when he was still fleeing the dark, several things had reached for him but the smallness and the speed helped with that. it's all quite blurry to kamui though, as if it happened to someone else, and that more than anything puts soleum's words into perspective. arguably if it was as if it wasn't him, yes that does suggest a lack of control, and conscience.
a wet shuddering exhale gets quieted into his knees.
it's easier to talk about what he knows, though it's a stilted sort of answer, broken up here and there with muffled coughs that bring summer hydrangeas into the preexisting and prevailing scent of blood. ]
Tokyo. I was --
[ or not easier. the words 'trying to find someone' get tangled with 'trying to save someone' get tangled with 'failing'.
failing.
failed.
with one arm curled close, kamui peers at his scarred palm and then the other.
then he closes both hands and lowers his head against his knees again. ]
It might be...safest for me, for now.
[ an honest answer and a selfish one: 'safest' meaning he does not have to worry as much about explaining what is going wrong with him, which is to say he does not know. as well as this: the need to still be away, because people have been so kind to him. soleum is kind too, in kamui's eyes. but it's a bit different. there's an arm's length feeling that is almost easier to be around even though it's kamui asking, in a way, for more. drawn to him, somehow.
echoes: this way, this way. yet rippling water from a single stone thrown.
too much kindness of other types and he starts to feel...guilty.
because what has he done to deserve it?
the car is quiet and soleum is steady though somehow kamui sometimes thinks he can feel his heart like a tightrope walker, not ever able to look down. ]
no subject
a wet shuddering exhale gets quieted into his knees.
it's easier to talk about what he knows, though it's a stilted sort of answer, broken up here and there with muffled coughs that bring summer hydrangeas into the preexisting and prevailing scent of blood. ]
Tokyo. I was --
[ or not easier. the words 'trying to find someone' get tangled with 'trying to save someone' get tangled with 'failing'.
failing.
failed.
with one arm curled close, kamui peers at his scarred palm and then the other.
then he closes both hands and lowers his head against his knees again. ]
It might be...safest for me, for now.
[ an honest answer and a selfish one: 'safest' meaning he does not have to worry as much about explaining what is going wrong with him, which is to say he does not know. as well as this: the need to still be away, because people have been so kind to him. soleum is kind too, in kamui's eyes. but it's a bit different. there's an arm's length feeling that is almost easier to be around even though it's kamui asking, in a way, for more. drawn to him, somehow.
echoes: this way, this way. yet rippling water from a single stone thrown.
too much kindness of other types and he starts to feel...guilty.
because what has he done to deserve it?
the car is quiet and soleum is steady though somehow kamui sometimes thinks he can feel his heart like a tightrope walker, not ever able to look down. ]